Lose weight people!~

Given up on hope.

2012-01-14T00:20:00.000-08:00

I have come to the point of giving up on everything.
No matter what I do, nothing ever seems satisfying.
Nothing to be proud of.
I'm convinced that I'm a loser who doesn't have any talent for anything.
Seriously, I feel damn useless right now.

I won't be a somebody after all.
Always in the shadows of othersss. IM A DISGRACE.

2012-01-01T05:58:00.001-08:00

I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME.

2012-01-01T05:45:00.000-08:00

Having millions of friends doesn't matter if I have no best friends.

I think I've forgotten how having a best friend feels like.
All I know is that I'm not happy the way I am now.
I'm just a friend to many.

And I don't know how to solve this problem of mine.

2011-12-28T06:03:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes the person who tries to make everyone happy is the most lonely."

Guess I'm tht person. And I wonder what I'm supposed to do now.
Help.

2011-12-10T02:35:00.000-08:00

Rather be alone than being left out.

What am I?

2011-12-10T02:15:00.000-08:00

"What is wrong with me?! What do you people not like about me?!"

Fck I'm complaining too much.

2011-12-10T02:13:00.000-08:00

Gosh. Guess posting everything here won't solve anything.
C'mon nabil. Why in the world are you like this.

FINALLY

2011-11-29T04:46:00.000-08:00

This song somehow represents the situation im in now. Not all of it though.

2011-11-28T23:52:00.003-08:00

okay today was good.
had alot of games to play and certainly it kept my mind off things.
haha had loads of fun playing sports.
gosh. i sports maniac alr.
BYE! ~

mood: happy

Camp day. Time to relax?

2011-11-28T08:53:00.000-08:00

It's night alr. :O had a cup of noodle and I can't sleep for no reason.
Hehe that's why I'm doing this now haha.
Okay let's talk about camp.

Soooo, can't say it's a meaningful one though.
Been like doing this sports camp for countless times. It feels just like another camp lor.
Just bleh.
Had fun and yes, had smth to keep me away from the troubles in my mind.
But it's like night time now, and I'm starting to think about stuffs again.
Gah. Someone save me. :D
Okay, you should know that when I don't post, means im happy lol! :O

Let's continue,
I SERIOUSLY NEED TO STOP THINKING SOOO MUCH INTO THINGS AND BE A LITTLE LESS SENSITIVE.
Gah. I mean like, things don't go exactly the way I want? Or it's just that I dont make the effort to make things go my way?
I'm the type to just let it be?
Okay okay lah.
I always get the paranoid feeling that if a person doesn't like me for a moment, they won't like me for the rest of my life.
WEIRD

lalalalallalalalala~
I DUNNO HOW TO SOLVE MY PROBLEM.
SIGH. HELP. :O

Ain't no sunshine.

2011-11-26T22:13:00.000-08:00

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
Ooooo omg I am really really bored though.
I serious seriously miss school cuz I won't be able to see ma friends.

Well there's camp tmrw and I guess it would be fun?
And I totally suck at finding presents.

I'm not the only one.

2011-11-25T16:49:00.000-08:00

Hmm, everyone else has their own problems.
I'm just complaining too much. :(

Desperation

2011-11-25T16:30:00.000-08:00

I usually don't say what I feel. When I'm angry, I smile. When I'm sad, I smile. I do these alot especially in front of other people.
I don't know how to say this but I think I'm just lying to myself.
Certainly I need someone to talk to but I guess they're busy with their own things.
And I tend to be okay in front of people cuz I seriously dun wan to be a bother to them. :(
Sighs. I'm a selfish guy I guess. I want everything to be okay.

PLEASE I BEG YOU, if you are my friend.
Forgive me if I've ever done any wrong or have not been a good friend cuz I really do think I'm a lousy one.
Always changing between one friend and another. Spending time with one and not the other. I feel guilty, and really don't deserve you friends.

I am afraid of losing friends. Really am.

2011-11-25T03:48:00.001-08:00

But then again, i dont feel as though im making an effort to keep my friends.
SERIOUSLY, WHATS WRONG WITH ME. i WANT TO KILL MYSELF.

What's wrong with me.

2011-11-24T20:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me.
I tend to ask ppl the question but they'll reply with saying,
"no lah, you got no problems. You really very nice"

That's all.

And I keep wondering to myself, if nothing is wrong with me,
then why do I feel as though im suffering.
I don't know lah. Everything is in a mess.

Gahhh, I got alot to say.
In short, I seriously don't know what I need to make me feel better.
I dun understand myself anymore

Inspiration

2011-11-24T05:45:00.000-08:00

I need some inspiration to have believe in myself.

Friends

2011-11-24T04:28:00.001-08:00

Friends are important to me :D
i really do appreciate their company and I'll literally die if i have no friends.

To me, best friends are the people who i will text alot to, call each other, spend countless hours with each other, share my problems with without ever feeling awkward or anything.

but my problem is, i find it hard to keep friends.
It might sound weird, but it is.
Let me start with myself.

Im the type of person, who doesnt like to see someone feeling left alone. For example, there's this lonely person in a group, I would automatically talk with him and let him get him involved in the group and then be friends. :D
But, i always do this and thats the problem.

When you start to make a friend, it is a must that you have to spend time with them to keep those bonds of friendship between each other. make memories with each other, etc.

I can say that i have alot of friends. And all of them are important to me in their own ways. AND THE THING IS, I WANT THEM ALL TO BE MY BEST FRIENDS TOO.
But it is impossible to spend time with all of them and that makes me sad.
and then those friends that i have, would be best friends with other people since i dont have time for them. And i get jealous cuz they are spending time amongst themselves, blah blah blah.

And then im left alone i guess. :)
Im happy yet sad at the same time. Its like im happy that my friend is happy spending time with their bestfriend. but sad that im not with them.

AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND ON.
MNBYCRYXAFIWSPOOCSHNIBGYSUDCJEL<(*D^&CRBWNGH*(}W)M_(BNCYTMRB#SXC%V^ BNM|*&^%QEB%DCNVZBXWKO+_QUXNWMD_@+GXMHQ(+S&^Z%&EXDCFVDBQNJDW&YEHF*#@U@UCWJ+)*C@NBPNUIKO
DWLPK
I shall stop here now. i have too much to say.

Shall try to solve everything by myself. f3

2011-08-20T08:22:00.001-07:00

Sigh, it sucks.
Home does not feel like home anymore. Even sometimes I don't look forward to being at home.
Some say home is your safe haven but not for me. I came to realise that I'm not really needed. To make it worse, im always feeling lonely at home and nobody seems to know that I feel that way.

The reason why I feel lonely at home is certainly because rarely anyone talks to me or share their experiences with me.
Having alot of siblings, it's inevitable that favoritism happens. In my case, my sisters always have the company of my mother and my brothers have themselves. And the youngest one has my dad. Its not that they don't talk to me, it's just that I'm not the first in anyone's mind. Don't say that I'm jealous, it just unfair. My other siblings just seem to have better qualities or achievements that my parents acknowledge. My achievements are always in the shadows.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone would realise if I'm at home or not. I feel like I'm a burden to the family, I have no worth and all I do is just burn away all the resources at home, and make my parents mad when I do something wrong.
Wouldnt it be better if I run away from home? Life would obviously be better for my family then, there would be one less child at home to take care of.

People may say that I'm not appreciative but it would feel better being off alone without constantly being reminded that facing I'm not needed everytime I'm at home. I do love my family but I just can't live like this anymore.

And to fill that void of loneliness, I make friends at school. But still then, I have no bestfriend. I have tons of friends who have bestfriends and I'm just the other guy whom they look for when they have no one else to talk to.

2011-06-15T13:46:00.000-07:00

Wanting achievements is one thing, but attaining one is another.
I've realized that nothing comes without a price. Nothing is free in this world though. Well obviously, you would have to work hard to get something. For instance, my big brother, Zaki sapari, who trained for 4 years and finally held the record for 400m junior hurdles and will represent Singapore in the SEA games. I'm truly proud and yet at the same time, jealous of him.
He's a respectable guy.

And then there's me, a guy who always wanted something to be proud of but has nothing up till now.
I can never brag about anything. Everybody else I know has better qualities.
To say I'm good at sports, there's George etc.
Good at making friends, there's kelvin etc.
Studies, there's (Michelle etc etc etc)
Blah blah blah, the list goes on.
Hmmm, I cannot really find my forte. I tried asking people and they keep giving me different answers.
I have no distinctive characteristics. I can't seem to face the fact that I'm just another normal average teenager.

Talking about teenager, I think I'm having a crisis. I just can't figure put who I am anymore. I'm not that cheerful guy you used to know. Like all the other teenagers out there, we want to be special at something. Be recognized by people around us. Be extraordinary, not ordinary.
However, like I said, to be special, you MUST WORK FOR IT.
It doesn't matter what type or speciality, you must remember to be hardworking.
As example, If u want to stay pretty, you have to take care of your features properly.
You want to be fit, then exercise and stay healthy.

But don't be an "all talk and no action" type of person. You know what I mean.

Sigh. For my case, I still havent figured out what my speciality is! I want to work hard but I just don't have the motivation. It may seem as an excuse but I'm really demoralized and not confident of myself anymore.
Only time will tell where and what type of person I would be unless I do something about it.
Until then, I'll try to find my motivation and surely be someone respectable and special. :I
Goodbye.

And yes theres the love and friend problem too. I'll talk at another time.
Bye again.

2011-04-22T23:48:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh watched never say never yesterday!
Omg I didn't realize how talented Justin Bieber was! I mean seriously, he really deserve what he has now!
For a young teenager he really did alot to publicise himself! And he had his sight on singing since young.
I now understand why soo many people like jb! I will look at him in a different light from this day on!
Go Justin Bieber. ^^

2011-04-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,

Had a chat with my dudes yesterday night.
Then something struck me, is what I'm doing right?

I'm scared to lose you yet I didn't make an effort to keep hold of you.
Rarely talked to you yet still wanting to.
You know, thinking bout you makes me happy.
I really miss those times with you.

I'm sorry that I never once showed any infatuation to you.
But deep inside, I think I love you.

Go with the flow? Or make the flow.

:( sad emotions.

2011-02-23T06:32:00.001-08:00

It had been boring so far.
No love no drama!
Lolololol. I have to start loving myself.

Sports carnival is in about 16 days more. I'm super scared that it will go bad.
Hope it doesn't rain pls.

2011-02-16T02:49:00.000-08:00

I don't think I should be in a relationship now. I think it'll be better for the two of us.
I really like you, But I'm but I'm not sure if I should. :(
I'm clueless now.

Every now and then you seem really sad.
Please let me know if anythings the problem.
And I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you sad.
Forgive me.

I need to talk to you <3

Nabil is going to change.

2011-02-15T04:05:00.000-08:00

I think a blog is a good friend.
You can rant anything on it and it will never complain or make situations feel worse.
The best listening ears you can ever get.
I feel good vomiting out all my worries on the blog.
But still I need to reflect.

I think I've been immature, letting my emotions take over me.
Well, being a teenager I guess. I have to accept that life is not fair.
Life will knock me down, but I have to stand up by MYSELF.
But I'm still indecisive. I dunno what to do with my life or what kind of person I want to be.
Sighs just go with the flow. And see where it takes me.
:(

I think cuz I'm raised in a family where everyone achieves something good thats why i guess its a must for me to do so.
cuz my brothers are achieving in their own things, it makes me want an achievement so that people will recognize me and know that I have something special. Like I said lah, everyone looks up to my brothers. That's why I want to be like them.
It's a huge thing to me lah, but I must look it at another way.
I just want to be positive and not care about anything else but it's hard.
A happy go-lucky-person you know?

2011-02-14T23:57:00.000-08:00

I'm really demoralised.
Like really, what the fuck.
Out of 4 basketball games ah, I never even score once.
Ya, scoring is not important blah blah blah it's the teamwork blah blah.
But seriously, fuck.
What did I contribute!?
Every time I take the bus home from every match, I feel like killing myself.
I never scored!!!!!!!!! And it's not just this year, it's since sec 1.
When I'm in sec 1 I never scored nvm, cuz I'm just a beginner.
When sec 2, I scored only 2 points. Abit shit but still nvm.
But when you sec 4 and never scored, wheres the fucking sense of achievement.
Train for four years and in competition only scored 2 points _|_.
I really want to die.
Makes me feel that I am useless. Then people will say " no you're not. You still got skills"
BUT IF GOT SKILL AND NEVER SCORE, THAT MEANS YOU'RE USELESS WHAT!
TRAIN TRAIN TRAIN NEVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING!
IF EVEN SCORING A POINT IN BASKETBALL IS UNACHIEVABLE,
THEN WHAT MORE SOMETHING BIGGER?
Reality strikes. IM USELESS.
There's nothing I'm best at.
better drown in my own misery lah.

2011-02-14T03:35:00.000-08:00

Common test but not in the mood! Cuz it's valentines :D
This years valentines quite sad.
I wanted to be with her. But shy shy you know.
:D next year maybe! LOLOLOL

Another special day coming up!
Yay 1902. I won't forget :D

2011-02-09T07:22:00.000-08:00

I would do anything to save a friend.
I can't bear to see them suffer.
So please, come to me if u really need help.
Because I don't want to see you cry. :(

2011-02-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

Friends are the greatest candy ever!
Some can be sour, sweet, hard, soft, chewy, crunchy but they're all the same inside!
They're still made of sugar!
Just like sugar, friends makes me happy! :)

I love my friends. <3
Just hope you love me too. :D

2011-02-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

Lets forget the bad times and just make a better future. :)

2011-02-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

Bxjkdkssjxnckfownsbkxcubslcidnspxhsnaljdbksbnd
>:( I'm so angry that I'm crying already!
Bloody thanks to my mom lah.
She doesn't know how important friends are to me!
Fuck fuck I'm too angry to write anymore!

2011-02-03T02:23:00.000-08:00

I'm not a small kid anymore lah.
Pls don't treat me like before. I'm not clumsy, lousy, irresponsible, careless anymore.
It doesnt mean that since you are better than me at everything, u can push me away.
While I myself am trying my best to a better brother.
Guess you don't need me right? I make no difference when I'm around right?
Pls lah, just trust me? Then I can prove myself?
Pls la brother.
I'm irritated by the fact that I'm lonely in the family.
Even though I have 5 other siblings, nobody looks up to me ah.
Whether it is being good at sports or education or socializing, both my older brothers have everythig that I wanted.
I feel sad that when everytime I go to a family outing with my cousins, they would always hang around with my brothers while I would just stay away from the crowd, being unnoticed.
I would dread going to family outings.
Like everytime at home, both my parents would be proud of both my brothers when they win medals, in track and field or hockey. Or when they ace in their studies. My parents have nothing to be proud of me.
I could only brag to other people that I have awesome brothers when I myself am drowning in my own uselessness.
It hurts me when people say "Eh nabil, why your brother is muscular and you're not. Why are you fat nabil?"
You know, even though people are like this I still respect my brothers.
They have worked very hard to get to where they are today. I would never want to disrespect them.
But I really do hope that they treat me like their friend but not like a lousy brother who spoils everything. I'm always in a melancholy mood.
To add to my grief, my parents don't really trust me. And I'm usually to be blamed to stuffs?
I dont fight back. I just accept cuz I'm really useless in a way. I can't prove my worthiness to anyone. Cuz everybody in my family has better qualities than what I already have.
Like I said, nobody looks up to me.
I'm really depressed, sometimes I even feel like running away. Demoralised much?
Nobody can be proud of me. I feel entirely neglected.
So, the only person that can be proud of me is myself.
As long as I'm proud with myself, would be happy. But so far, I cant.

2011-01-31T04:48:00.000-08:00

Wheee I'm happy today!
Shes cute :)
Okay, I'm proud of myself for almost finishing my homework! :)
I should keep up the good work!
And and I want to see her again! :)

Things bout Jiayi no 4!
Why u very quiet. They only words we say is hi only! :(
Hey hey hey! We need to communicate! :(

:(

2011-01-30T02:41:00.000-08:00

Love hurts whether it's right or wrong.

Haha, true true true.
Hello people, if you're still out there.
I'm in a saddened mood so far. Cuz I'm clueless about what to do with her.
I really do like her. But I'm on the fence.

In case you don't know, I'll summarise :)
She never once fails to make smile. :D
I'm always looking forward to seeing her but my shyness keeps getting in the way.
I could only afford to wave and smile back to her.
But thats the sad part. we were just getting closer to each other but when I realized that it was not the right time to get into a relationship, I was fading away from her.
I dont even know if it was the right choice to make. Giving up on her?
I'm entirely confused with myself. Everyday I think about her, thinking whether she likes me or not. I'm worried and scared that I might lose her but I can't even find the braveness in me to confess. I'm such a loser huh.
Even though this is not the first time I felt this way, but this is different.
I love her. That's that.
What should I do?

Okay I hope Jiayi is back! THINGS ABOUT JIAYI NO.3
haha hello, Kay Kay I finally update back alr.
Eng class has been boring without you! I want to talk to you!
Not only say hi lah! Dun shy pls :(

2010-07-19T06:47:00.000-07:00

JIAYI IS MY ONLY BLOG READERRR!~~(L)

Okay! Today was kinda shitty, D:
After school stayed back to do NZ NE things D:
After like how long put sand in bottles, mr jayakumar came.
"hey hey who said you can use the sand. i buy it to make the sand pit look nice"
smth like that but in a nicer tone :D
Okay its partly my fault for not asking permission but it really sucks to redo things!

I suddenly feel like making a sandcastle now! JOIN ME?~

OKAY NOW FOR NICE NICE THINGS ABOUT JIAYI! <3 No. 2
She's like damn nice to chat with cuz she doesnt usually chat with other guys? i think.
Then it makes me feel special lor! Or is it just that she treats me like a GIRL?
LOL, i dont care :D CUZ I FINALLY CAN CHAT WITH HER cuz cuz people say she very unfriendly! ITS A DREAM COME TRUE OKAY!

NABIL!

2010-07-16T06:47:00.000-07:00

3:40 - 3:45! OMG I WISH I COULD DO THAT SOMEDAY!

Oreo chocolateeeee

2010-07-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

jiayi is only gonna read this post.
since, its only her, i shall dedicate this post to her! (L)

HELLO JIAYI<3!
you know, you always make me smile when you smile at me :D
(i will post one thing that i like about you in every post starting from today)

2010-05-18T09:16:00.001-07:00

New life babe. i wanna get thinner,.